Warmth (Poem)

It has been 44 days and 10 hours since I was last held

Today I burned my hair in the shower from staying in the heat too long 

Just trying to remind myself what it was like to feel warm

My hands are trembling

My bones are frozen 

I am so cold 

A cold that I can’t escape

A cold that casts over me like your love once did 

I am cold 

And I long to feel warm again 

I was looking for warmth in everything

On the way, I held my phone waiting for your text 

In the way I cooked my food, hoping you’d join me for dinner 

On the way I curled into bed, hoping I’d wake up and you’d be there 

In the hope that you will be there 

I was wishing on every star I saw

And every car that passed by  

But it was not enough

In my pain, you never consoled me

I had to wipe my own tears away. 

But when you weren't there I was.

In begging for you, I found something else 

I found me