Is this Grief? (Poem)

I strolled into my 8:00 Monday morning class at 7:30

I looked at the spot where you used to sit 

I wonder if God can see it too 

I wonder if God wants you back like I do

Is this emptiness normal? 

Is missing you enough? 

Or is it a side-effect of every day? 

Do I have to sit here with this heartache in my chest like heartburn? 

The acid rises in my throat, I swallow it back down

I throw my bag onto the floor and sit in the hard plastic seat 

My sunken eyes begged for tears to come but none did

My professor walks in 

How are you, Ally? 

I’m okay Sir, how are you? 

How can I be fine with that? 

That there is an emptiness in my heart where you should take up

That you phased out of my life like the city lights in the car when your 15

You were a satellite, passing over me with a flicker of light

You were out of this world and now you are out of mine too

The chapter books of our lives were intertwined 

But the page you were introduced to is on the floor

I thought if I ripped it out I could bring you back 

I could start over and re-write our story 

So it didn’t have to end so cruelly 

I thought maybe if I ripped it out and carried it close to my chest, 

It would fill up the you-shaped hole

So I’ll take the words you wrote of “I love you” and put it in a silver locket

Put it around my neck and threaten anyone who tries to take it off

I’ll ask the mortician to keep it in my hand as they lower my body into the earth

Cause I want you even there too 

P.S. I don’t know who this was about. I wrote this on a Wednesday afternoon while I sat on my bed. I had a heaviness of longing and grief deep inside my chest. I miss someone that doesn’t have a name. My heart feels an emptiness for someone I do not know. Whoever you are, I hope our paths re-align soon. I miss you.