Claustrophobia (Poem)

 Growing up, there was a spot in my closet, I barely fit it 
As I got older, I had to move the shoe boxes full of mistakes to make room for my widening hips 
I moved the tower of shoes that no longer fit, the identities I wish no one knew I ever wore
I slid down the wall, a landslide of emotions coming with it
I watched as everything shoved at the bottom of the closet escaped out the bottom
I pulled it back in, all the garbage hidden from prying eyes
My room looks presentable, my bed is made
I squeezed my body in between the cramped space 
I piled the garbage over me so that I could disappear along with it
I never understood claustrophobia 
The fear of small spaces
I had spent so long making myself miniscule 
That the fear of small spaces never clicked in my head 
So when I met you, you grabbed the inch of my hand that was still exposed
You pulled me out, watched as the garbage that covered my body fell down
You pulled the straw wrappers of regret out of my hair
And helped me dust off the dirty parts of my soul I thought I could never get rid of
You helped move all the garbage, shoe boxes, and tower of shoes back into the closet
I was finally free
The forgotten fidget toys, and the no longer used baggage long forgotten
I was too busy sitting on my bed
Talking to you, painting my nails, doing my make-up 
Your lies were dripped in honey, they almost tasted sweet
Your stealing of my heart, also stole the voice I had worked so hard to louden
Your manipulation of my confusion, almost took my family
I couldn’t leave
You must have locked the door after you had entered
I clawed at the window pane of happiness that gave me glimpses of the outside world
I threw the clothes of who I am onto the floor
The glass case where I kept my grandmother’s jewelry shattered in an instant
I waved at my friends from inside my room 
I heard my grandparents' voices on the other side of the door
I was trapped
It wasn’t a fear of small spaces, it was the fear of feeling stuck and being trapped
I finally understand claustrophobia

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