Abandonment Issues (Poem)

I often jump at loud noises
Bangs that go off in crowded spaces
A man yelling… he says it’s joy… I know that look
A teacher was talking to me after class 
“We need to talk…” 
When the ice machine at work works 
Men who scream because they won’t hit a woman 
When a friend comes up, too excited and too loud
When the boyfriend finds out you have a male friend
When hatred is spewed, before love is whispered
When I forget to turn off my car radio from the night before
Women who use motherly love as a weapon
I often jump at soft touches
Fixing the tag on my shirt
A subtle hand on the small of my back
A caress of my jaw
A whisper in my ear 
A hug that means something
A gliding hand over my arm 
A kiss on my shoulder 
A thumb on my knuckles 
I confuse thunder and softness
No wonder I duck and cover at anger 
I close the door when it’s love