I have a name that's ingrained in my brain… it hurts to think of
I pray for the day that I can wake up and remember who I was before
I wake up and hope that someday I’ll be able to distinguish their screams from mine
I ache in a set of skin I don’t call my own, it feels like someone else's
I see metal, where your mercy once lied
I see myself in the ghosts that once lingered here
I was beaten and broken, and made to follow orders
This schedule they wrote on my heart wakes me up every day at 0500
The ghost I fear, the one who wakes me up in the middle of the night, is me
I keep choosing you, despite the orders I was given
Loving you goes against the blood in my veins
Most nights the stars look like the dreams I used to have, far away and outta reach
Other nights, they look like crosshairs that used to tie our lives together
They look like crosshairs that tried to kill me
I was promised peace, but it looks a lot like a cage
They gave me a new body, one I didn’t want
They called me a weapon, like the choices I made were mine
They rewired my brain, made me unmade
It was them! They forced my hand
Blackmail, Brainwash, and Manipulation
I swallow it all down like a little pill
I keep hanging on to a name… it sounds a lot like hope… I forget it a lot
I think my quiet needs are too loud to be loved
Tell me, do war prisoners ever get to feel normal?
Do I ever feel not haunted?
Will I make it out?
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